I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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