Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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