after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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