I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You left your phone here
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