Plan B is the new Plan A
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
