Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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