I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
