Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
