He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
