he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hippo gnu deer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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