Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
