His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's official drugs can't kill me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
