Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
