I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
