what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
