Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
