I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
