fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
