The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
