He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
