she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found the puke drawer
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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