I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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