I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
