the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
