theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
