If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
