i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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