dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
