Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
