I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
