You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
