someone owes me an orgasm
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
