How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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