you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
