No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
