Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
