God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
