I'm jealous of your bromance
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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