I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
