Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
