dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
