when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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