"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
