Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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