There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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