i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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