you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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