I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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