can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
