He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
