I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
