Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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