If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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