Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
