Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
