I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
