i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He passed out mid-signature
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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