I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
