Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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