If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Less talking, more tequila
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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