what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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