there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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