I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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