Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
