she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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