i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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